Buzzfeed Minus GIFs
I know I make fun of Buzzfeed a lot. I know it’s really easy, and can come off as me being really bitter or negative or mean. But, see, it’s also really fun, and I think they’re terrible garbage people (or at least, they’re very nice people who make terrible garbage things that are leading the charge in this weird Garbage Age of the Internet). I’d say I’m sorry about making fun of them so much, but it would seem disingenuous because I’d immediately follow the apology up with this fifth grade homeroom journal entry:
The 17 Things That Always Happen At Last Call (Minus The GIFs)
So it’s been a fun night of sippin’ on cocktails and getting into trouble! Memories were made, Instagrams were taken, and flirty gazes were exchanged. But before you know it, time has kinda… gotten away from you. Sure, maybe you’re not as, uh, steady on your feet as you were when you came in. But there’s still plenty of time left to enjoy the nightlife, right? Wrong.
So you work your way to the crowded bar for one last drink. Trying to avoid eye contact with the… less savory barflies along the way. You order one last brew from the bartender. And throw a wink or two at a couple of cuties along the way. Maybe there’s time for one last spin on the dance floor. But the clock’s ticking! The bartender’s getting impatient… your tummy’s rumbling… and you may be fading fast. So finish up those drinks. Then step outside to enjoy the sunrise. And thus, the night draws to a close.
"Check plus on the journal entry, Josh! Can’t wait to read how the class hamster does at your house over the weekend.- Mrs. Smithson"
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