Project: Ruin Cody’s Birthday
Yesterday was my coworker Cody’s birthday. He HATES when people sing Happy Birthday to him, (who doesn’t?), so BOY was he cranky when we surprised him with a cake and a song at our noon team meeting!
It says “Corby” on it! We’re a wacky bunch.
We had another meeting at 2:00 and, just for funsies, we got Corby an additional cake and song! He sure was surprised.
3:00. Another cake. Another song.
4:30. There was a cake sitting in his desk drawer the whole day.
Don’t think because you left the office and went to dinner that I can’t find and cake you, Corby.
Do you hear me? I willcake your fucking dreams.Nowhere is safe, not even your favorite bar.
I’m not even CLOSE to being out of cakes. I have 72 cakes hidden throughout the city, and for every hour that my demands are not met, I am going to give Corby Jarnstorm another cake.
Cake cake cakecakecakecake cake.
This was by far the best series of mentally-scarring cakes I have ever received. For the rest of that night, every once in a while someone would start singing “Haaaaappy…” and turn around, as if cake was on the way. There was no more cake, but now I ALWAYS assume that cake is on the way. I imagine I am broken for life now. Because there is cake. There MUST be cake. There is always cake. Because we are all cake.
This cakeological torture courtesy of Danya O’Briggins and the rest of my coworkers, plus other things, made yesterday one of my best and more memorable birthdays. So thanks for that. Let us all celebrate with pie.
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