“My buddy at Apple sold Brian’s daughter an iphone last week and he showed her the twitter apparently. She thought it was funny. For all we know, the real Brian Williams might have seen it now.”—My buddy at Apple about his buddy at Apple. Some really great news about a really great news guy.
Last Christmas my brother and I wrote this song about a terrible bar in our hometown, and I recorded it when I got home. It’s so far our only attempt at writing a song together because we rarely see each other. It made our sister laugh quite a bit, so I would call it a complete success. I went to Anderson Bar & Grill again last night to see some friends, and it was a wonderful time, but I couldn’t help but think about this song and about how terrible Anderson Bar & Grill is.
John Lennon - I Don’t Love You But I Do (unreleased)
Earlier this year I had the ridiculous opportunity to stay by myself in a Texas mansion for a week, so I did that. They had a piano, and I had wine, so here’s this. I wrote it “as John Lennon making fun of Paul McCartney”, because I’m sure he did this at some point.
A very hungry homeless person just approached me and asked if he could have some of my $7 burrito. I wanted to eat the whole thing and I didn’t want to go get another burrito, so instead I gave him $10. So now you know, homeless people. My charity is strictly based on convenience.
VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE: Later, a different maybe-homeless person approached me and said a bunch of things I didn’t understand. I caught the words “British Columbia” and “rap”. So then I was like “What?” and the person started rapping. I said “Okay, well I’m gonna go now” and then I did that.