Today Was All About Class
Jordan: Hey, Mr. Shit. Jordan: I’m Mrs. Fart. Cody: This is our son, Diarrhea. Cody: Isn’t he puke?
Second First Date
Stephanie/Dawn/Vanessa has not IMed me since our last date. Today I got an IM from a girl named Ray. It went well. Ray18: hey r u around? Me: Yeah. Me: What kind of fake person are you? Ray18: hi sweetie Ray18: nothing about this is fake, im a nympho ever met one? Me: What’s a “nympho ever met one?” Ray18: i hope you want to chat with a horny girl today… Ray18: ummm...
If you're reading this, this applies to you. →
Been a while since one of these, so here’s...
Agents of Cracked: Season 2 starts today. I love this show. I wrote an episode this season, too, which I look forward to seeing. It is a precursor to when I move to LA and demand at gunpoint that they let me play the villain in season 3. They won’t allow it, of course, because they will have their own guns.
abedinthemorning: Toon Wolf episode Too Big thanks to the whole Team Wolf for this. I really can’t wait for more. Getting the 3rd one on the go. I normally write in the shower. Tasty.
everythingforever: Here’s a song I wrote about a...
Apparently my portrayal of John Mayer on Twitter was too accurate. The account is now suspended until further notice. At least now I know that if I ever get hired onto the writing staff of a show like Two And a Half Men, I can accurately imitate the crap out of their crap. EVIDENCE THAT THE UNIVERSE IS WATCHING ME AND CHEERING ME ON: Forest Gump is on in the background. As I typed “Two...
Dear "Outsourced," Please Kill Yourself →
I think we can all agree that this is reasonable.
Jordan Posner's NFL Preview! →
My friend Jordan discusses the NFL season for people who could not give less of a shit. getoffmyblog: jordanhero: “The Browns’ stadium is slowly sinking into the rich Cleveland soil, because the architect, I.M. Pei, forgot to take into account the weight of all the incredibly fat players and fans when designing it. He was given a Cleveland-style funeral (shot from behind by a...
I hate cats now. My current project involves cats. I’ve been trying to catch one of the very friendly neighborhood cats for it. The hunt has been boring and stupid, but today I finally got one of them. I brought it into the garage, it immediately freaked out on me, scratches and all, and ran out the fucking door. Then, of course, it sat there staring at me, licking itself. As I got...
If Songs By The Beatles Lacked Any Subtlety...
Happiness Is Getting High On Heroin Acid! Parliament Is Made Up Of A Bunch of Hoggish Fucks Acid During The Day! The Poster I Saw At The Circus I Love Me Dog Fuck You, Paul No, Fuck YOU, John Let’s Give It Up For The Rights Of Black Women Please Don’t Leave The Band, John Everyone Is Selfish But Me, But Specifically Paul Is Quite Selfish Can’t We Just Be Friends,...
Jon Stewart on The O’Reilly Factor (insert personal commentary on Bill O’Reilly’s lack of respect and integrity here)
Zach Was Not In The Mood
Cody: Bro-snap! Cody: How goes it? Zachary: Eh. Worn to the bone. Cody: Well, that’s TUESDAY FOR YA! Cody: ::clown horn:: Cody: HONKA HONKA Zachary has logged off
needlesslydefiant asked: So other than LOST, you watch any good tv?
soupsoup: “I dabbled in witchcraft, I never joined a coven. I didn’t join a coven, let’s get this straight…I dabbled into witchcraft, I hung around people who were doing these things. I’m not making this stuff up, I know what they told me they do. One of my first dates with a witch was on a satanic alter and there was little blood there and stuff. We watched a movie and then we had a little...
soupsoup: The Hold Steady : Slapped...
speakwell: Zach: I read an awesome op-ed by an anti-legalization writer. He cited this article as his resource in several scenarios. Cody: Dude, this doesn’t ONCE mention how fucking high marijuana can get you.
What is it SAYING?!?!?
Best News I've Heard Today
totesdefsbrill: jacksmoviemania: An Arrested Development movie is in the works as confirmed by Wikipedia. I wouldn’t eagerly anticipate it. It has been in the works and rumored in the works for years. Above: The only time “as confirmed by Wikipedia” has ever been written non-sarcastically.