I would like to briefly explain myself. First of all, the whole John Mayer thing has evolved into something that is no longer entertaining, and I get that. The only thing about it that I still find funny is the fact that his name is definitely J. May. I’ve clearly made the whole thing personal, and I’m glad it is now on a different blog. I’m an (attempted) entertainer, and this way I can separate the jokes from the Mountainous Molehill. Also this…
I would like to cover something real quick. I say in some of my posts that I respond to all messages I get, no matter how negative they might be. Obviously John Mayer gets more than me. I’m sure he gets hundreds a day, and he is a much busier person than me. So it would be unreasonable to expect John Mayer to respond to my specific questions or posts. I’m sure he skims and deletes/ignores a lot of questions simply out of necessity. If he read/answered all of them, he wouldn’t get anything else done. The thing is, that’s not the situation here. He has clearly taken the time to read my messages and react to them and then taken the time to block me. Twice. This isn’t a “He is just ignoring a lot of messages” thing. This is a “He is specifically disregarding mine” thing. It’s that he is fully aware of my existence, and has taken the time to read my messages and say, “I am going to block this person,” and then taken the time to block me. It’s clearly not some random question he has chosen to ignore because he doesn’t have the time.
“Hey, thanks for the tip off. This is awful, but I can’t just reblog everything people ask me to reblog. If I did that, I would do nothing all day but reblog things people ask me to reblog.”
I wrote that in 8 seconds. So instead of taking the little time (that he does have) to block me, he could very well act like a person and use that time to be a person.
Apologies to all dashboards for the long post but, you know, sometimes long posts are good, right? Tumblr can’t be all image macros and reblogging The Daily What. I won’t be doing this all the time, I assure you, but there have been new developments in the Case of The Mysterious J. May, and a third incarnation of the blog has become necessary. The new incarnation is serious business, because it is heavily focused on that horrible girl/monster I posted about yesterday. I still tried to make it entertaining, but that is no longer what it’s about, nor is it about getting that fucker to follow me. If you want to reblog it, please reblog it from http://areyoukiddingmejmay.tumblr.com. If you reblog it from here, he will not see it and probably won’t do anything about that horrible girl/monster I posted about yesterday.
I’m not out to please everybody - I’ve actually been out to try not to displease anybody, and that’s even harder work. It’s like Prozac for creativity - cutting off the highs and lows and the risks and the rewards so that nobody walks away from a show or listens to an album with a passionate…
Do what you want, man. These people are fans of yours because for whatever reason they connect to what you do, and what you love to do. If you do what you want to do, they’ll either stick around or they won’t, but at the end of the day you’ll at least be able to look at your product and be proud of it. Also, chances are they’ll stick around. Christ, you’re a freaking millionaire with millions of fans who hang on your every everything. Why are you even talking about this? Go live your amazing life and quit begging for justification from people who would reblog a demon’s turd if you posted it. Not that you haven’t posted the equivalent before, of course (::playful winking emoticon::).
I’m getting ahead of myself, though, in that I’m talking to you like you deserve my respect. Right now, you don’t. I’m not a hater, John, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hate you a little bit right now. You have figuratively spit in my face twice. The first time was ridiculous. The second time was appalling. Did you even look at this? If not, I’ll just explain it to you: That is a girl, on film, throwing a bucketful of puppies into a river. Again, that is a girl on film throwing a bucketful of puppies into a river. Do you know the kind of person who does that? Do you know the kind of person she will become if left unchecked and unwatched? That’s a serial killer in the making, John. Luckily, we know what her face looks like. She needs to be found or she will keep doing things like this until she starts doing it to humans. Yes, the chances of someone seeing the picture and recognizing the girl are one in a million. But do you know how many people you can reach by posting something on your blog, John? More than 3.5 million. Feel free to do the rest of that math yourself.
Instead of stepping up, though, you blocked me a second time because I politely suggested you do something good with your blog (and I prematurely thanked you for it). It would have taken a simple click of the mouse to possibly stop a dangerous psychopath, but instead you completely ignored it because you hold some childish grudge or something. Up until now, yes, I have been mostly unreasonable in my posts. I’ve made things up and I’ve resorted to childish name-calling, but I’ve also made it very clear that I’ve been joking about the whole thing. My words meant nothing, even when I hilariously called you a face-fucked buttfucker (Seriously, how has that phrase not swept the nation yet?). I’ve respectfully explained my situation and perspective to you many times, and you know by now that I am a regular human being that is not some faceless and anonymous internet troll out to get you. Whether or not you thought it was funny (I suspect “not”), you know that I was just joking. I’m not anymore. When I call you a spiteful baby, I am not resorting to childish name-calling. I am calling you what you are, which is a spiteful baby.
Your whole “please” post is about you being proud, of your work and of yourself. As far as your music is concerned, I agree that you can’t put checks and balances on the creative process. That will result in poor material. Write what you want to write and make what you want to make. But, as far as you the person is concerned, I’ll say that it is often hard for people to admit or understand things about themselves. It’s why they (i.e. - you) need therapists. Maybe someone outside the box has a better perspective than you. You always defend yourself when you “mess up” in the media, whether it be about your ex-girlfriends, or racist comments, or “playfully” interrupting stand-up comedians during their sets. I’m sure right now, if you’re even reading this, you’re thinking “God, what an asshole” or “Fuck this guy!” or something similar. But I’m telling you right now that sometimes you are a pompous, callous, and spiteful baby. I’m telling you that this is one of those times. But, more importantly, I’m telling you that it is okay. People are dicks sometimes, and you have the right to defend yourself. But it’s also okay to admit your flaws and admit when you are wrong. In fact, it’s encouraged. It’s how you grow up.
Now, I’m not saying that you were wrong about not following me all those millions of times you should have because you said you would. It was your right to not follow me (even though you said you would). Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have made the ridiculous claim that you’d follow whomever followed/reblogged you, but it was still your right. And maybe you thought that I was just some random wank-off trying to get you to follow me so I could get a bunch of followers or be famous by proxy. I’m sure people do that and I’m sure some people think that’s what I’m doing, but it’s simply not true, John. I have plenty of followers who like me (whatever that means), and some of them are even fans of yours. I have a job that I love, writing internet comedy for some people who like me and some people who hate me. My job actually applies a lot to what you talk about in your “please” post. I could very easily write or make an article or video that caters to the lowest-common-denominator at Cracked. I could write what I know is safe and what I know will sell and things might be better for me in the hideous swamp that is the Cracked comments section. But if I did that, I would not be very proud of myself. I make what I find funny and what I like and what I think I should make. That’s how I got my job and that’s how I’m going to continue doing my job. I hope you do the same, like you said you would. We’re actually quite alike, John, only I don’t have nearly as many self-esteem issues or battles with self-doubt or mad skills on the guitar.
I’m babbling again, drifting away from the fact that you are a spiteful and immature person who I’m way mad at right now. But again, I say to you, I’m not here to mooch off your fame, nor was I ever. And although you couldtotally still follow me, because you totally said you would, I am no longer here to get you to follow me. I don’t care about that. I’m here to find out something about your humanity. I’m here to see if you can put aside your petty grudge and do something good by treating a fellow human like a fellow human and, more importantly, by possibly stopping a future serial killer-related tragedy. After all, John, your petty grudge is against someone who had a pretend petty grudge against you. Yeah, mine is bad; but yours is worse.
So all “follow me”s aside, I seriously have to know: Are you human, John? Are you willing to be a man, take the high road, and respond in even the most minor of ways? Anything from “Please leave me alone but yeah I’ll reblog the picture of this dangerous girl” to “Please reblog this in the hopes of finding and stopping this dangerous girl (thanks for the tip, Cody!)” would be acceptable. This isn’t about fake feuds anymore, John, however hilarious they may be. I didn’t even call you “J. May” once this whole time, and I totally could have because that is your stupid name. No, this isn’t about jokes involving the awesome fake name I bestowed upon you. This is about stopping a monster. It’s about justice and prevention. So John, to borrow from the title of your post, pleasereblog this, like I said you should.
So I just heard Katy Perry’s latest single “Teenage Dream.” Upon arriving at the chorus, I thought to myself “I’ve heard this before.” I had heard it before. It was in Katy Perry’s other song, California Gurls. So I made this. Here’s this.
This is actually a question for CoRo, not CoJo, so pardon the misdirection:
"I don't have a problem with nerds or stalkers because in actuality, I'm both." - CoRo
Since we're dealing with "actuality," here, I am just curious - do you know that stalking is a criminal offense?
My question for you CoJo is when is the last time you got laid? Because you OBVIOUSLY have absolutely no life... at all. I mean the J. May bullshit is just that. BULLSHIT. Why the hell do you legitimately think that John Mayer is going to follow you? I mean it's like not even funny.. it's like. Retarded. Ridiculous. Are you like a nerd or just a stalker.. I mean I'm honestly confused as fuck. Do people find you funny? I mean..? I'm so lost.. Was that too many questions?
You bring up some interesting points, CoRo, and I will address each of your questions…
Unfortunately for you (and AMERICA), I’m waiting until marriage to bed a woman. It’s not a religious thing; it’s court-ordered (long story LOL!). But for realz, all joking aside, do you really equate having a life to having sex? Because that’s slut-talk. I’m not calling you a slut by any means, but there are other fulfilling aspects of life, and I find your question to be really childish. So here’s a childish answer: “Blah blah blah the last time I got laid was when I fucked your mom last night blah blah blah.” Moving on…
I don’t know what this “John Mayer” thing is, but I legitimately think that J. May is going to follow me because he said he would. I take the blog posts of tall-haired guitarbrities (or “celebritars”) at face value. If he didn’t want me to follow him and reblog his posts to get him to follow me, then he shouldn’t have told me to. Moving on…
I would probably have to consider myself to be a nerd, actually. The fact that you consider that to be a bad thing tells me we probably wouldn’t get along, but I’m still willing to try if you are. Also, in terms of stalking, here is a direct quote from your blog’s description: “I’m not even gonna lie. If he [J. May] ever had a stalker, don’t be suprised [sic] if it were me:)” Moving on…
In regards to people finding me funny: If you have the time to check out the comments on any of my videos or articles on Cracked, you’ll find that no, people actually don’t. Touché. Moving on…
In regards to you being lost, this article might actually shed some light on the situation. Moving on…
No, that wasn’t too many questions. That’s why there is a question option. I hope I didn’t come off as too much of a dick, but I doubt that I didn’t. Moving on…
I’ve been reblogging up a storm over at heyjmayfollowcody and I won’t be reblogging all of it here, because I think you get the point. I’m reblogging this one, though, because I find his post to be equal parts pointless, pretentious, and obvious. Seriously, more like the J. Mayor of Yawnsville, USA(er).
I feel like anybody who is against the building of an Islamic cultural center near Ground Zero isn’t contesting that they’re being intolerant, rather they’re arguing (however spuriously) that they’re being justifiably intolerant. It reminds me of another specious debate, “is waterboarding torture?” OF COURSE IT IS! The question hiding beneath it is “is waterboarding justifiable torture?” Mind you, this is not the kind of thing you want to be honest enough to articulate if you believe it, because as soon as you admit that waterboarding is torture and similarly that not wanting to build an Islamic cultural center is fundamentally intolerant, you realize that there really isn’t a way to rationalize justifying either. So instead you get this circuitous half-logic that doesn’t add up because people aren’t really saying what they’re thinking.
Thank God you jumped on this weeks-old issue, J. May. Otherwise, how would people who are just now waking up from comas know what to think? The answer is, “They wouldn’t! OMG!” So, thank you, J. May. Now those coma patients can wake up, wonder “What should I think about this issue that’s already been debated for weeks?”, visit your blog, and say “PHEW!” aloud to themselves. Then they’ll wipe their furrowed brow and wonder what they should think about America’s ‘03 invasion of Iraq. Hopefully you’ll post something about that in a couple years. And, whoa, wasn’t slavery crazy, J. May? Man, I’m not even sure! Let me know! K THX!
Here’s another old issue you can address while you’re at it, buddy: Why have you not followed me yet? You certainly said you would. I’ve sent you polite messages (and, admittedly, some mean ones). You haven’t responded to any, even the upfront ones where I wasn’t treating you like the piece of human garbage you are. You haven’t responded to anything and then you blocked me. I’m a human being, J. May. I exist and you’re being a huge twat. Shoot me an e-mail if you want. Or just FUCKING FOLLOW ME LIKE YOU SAID YOU WOULD! That would be enough.
A couple days ago, my friend Zach texted me “Hey, dude could you record like a five-second theme song with the phrase ‘Life Lessons With Brian’ in it? Like an 80’s sitcom-type thing?” Without any further information, I quickly did that, because I would like it if every day someone asked me to write a stupid song for them. I sent it to him, and he later explained why he needed it…
Apparently he has a boss (Brian) who really likes to micromanage his employees. Like, someone will be eating oatmeal for lunch, and he’ll come in and say, “You know, that’s really the kind of thing you should eat for breakfast, because the carbohydrates… etc.” Zach started calling such instances “Life Lessons With Brian,” and he wanted a song to accompany these moments. So now his boss will enter a room and say something like “You should really get your glasses tinted. It’s better for your eyes. That way you’re not switching back and forth between your regular glasses and your sunglasses…” and Zach will play this song over the office’s speakers.
I sent him the song without knowing anything about why he needed it. Upon finding out the context, I had a pretty significant giggle, because the song is so stupid and harmless and perfect for that situation. It sounds like a damn amusing thing to happen in an office every time your boss tries to give you advice. There has already been a request for a full-length version. Yeah, I’ll probably do that.
I am currently listening to "Hiroshima" by Ben Folds.
My question is, how do you feel about Ben Folds? Not the Five, just the him.
Although I feel that Ben Folds Five is better than Ben by himself, I also love his solo stuff. Rockin’ The Suburbs has some just fantastic songs on it, except for “Rockin’ The Suburbs,” which doesn’t belong on the album at all and is a huge piece of shit. I think The Luckiest is one of the best love songs ever written.
My one problem with a lot of his newer stuff is that all of his swearing seems forced. I’m fine with swearing in songs in moderation, because when used correctly, it can be really powerful or just really amusing. His newer stuff, though, is way too much like he’s winking. Like, “Hey! I’m sayin’ fuck!” During the Ben Folds Five era, all of his cursing seemed really natural, appropriate, and almost unnoticeable. Now it sticks out like a sore thumb.
All in all, he’ll always be one of my favorite musicians, and he still writes great songs. I just miss the old band.
First of all, Love Me If You Dare is one of my favorite films! So awesomely fucked up. Second, I love the fact that you used "totes" in your response to my previous question. And..I guess that's it. Hey.
Love Me If You Dare’s crazy. It’s like a classic fairy tale in that it’s romantic and kind of magical but, yeah, also really fucked up.
I have long accepted the fact that I no longer say “totes” ironically. It is now just a word I say because it is awesome and I am totes fine with that.
LOST, Walt-version, revisited: Here I think are the main points I was curious about:
-Why was Walt so eager for John not to open the hatch, to the point where he'd rather leave the island due to fear?
-How did Walt know even about the hatch? (I assume this is because HE HAS POWERS but this question also applies to anything Walt knows about.)
-There we more but I forget. Basically, WHY WOULD YOU SPEND TIME ON WALT TO MAKE HIM POINTLESS. The "you" here is a group of writers.
In general, I think Walt was just poor planning on the part of the writers, in that he was supposed to be important but he grew up way too fast. They wanted a special, important kid, but for about four years the show took place over like one hundred days. So they had to scrap it for the sake of puberty. If you get a chance to watch The Epilogue, there’s more on that.
I don’t even think Walt necessarily knew anything about anything. I think he was mostly reflexive. He was special and he was important (again, check out the epilogue), but he was also just a kid. His “Don’t open the hatch!” was, I think, the Island or whatever giving him inklings of what was to come. In the long run, opening the hatch was a good thing. It led to a series of events that saved The Island from destruction and from Smokey. However, to a kid, those inklings would have just been seen as “bad” and “danger,” because a lot of people died in that series of events, too. He saw the opening of the hatch result in death (including his father’s), so he told Locke to not open it. I think of it as misguided Island-influenced intuition.
There was also mention of how Walt appeared to Locke, etc. if he wasn’t the Smoke Monster, because Smokey can only become dead people. This, I would say, was not Smokey and was Walt. He showed up randomly like that a lot, yet whenever we saw him off the island, he was always like, “Hey, Locke, how’s things? What’s your favorite movie? Don’t you like PIZZA?” Like, there was no indication of him knowing how special he was or how fucked up the island was. I think all those Waltpearances can be chalked up to The Island orchestrating events in the most effective way possible. Locke and Walt had a pretty strong connection before he left the island. I would say that the Island “appeared” as Walt and told him he had work to do because he knew it would be very effective. Also, they probably wanted the audience to be like “Holy shit! It’s Walt!” ALSO, again re: The Epilogue, I think this could have been Walt’s retroactive influence. Jacob connected with the candidates at many different moments in their lives, and I think the protector has that general time-traveling-ish ability. So maybe Walt went back to make sure events happened the way they were supposed to. It was probably the Island, though.
In summary, the problem with Walt was unfortunately-timed puberty.
All my questions are gone since I changed the name of my blog. Apparently there were more complications than I expected from this. REGRET. Here are what the answers to those questions probably would have been like:
"Yeah, seriously. J. May’s a total douche."
"The Incredibles 2 would, I’m sure, be awesome. Toy Story 3 was better than the first and second. I’m sure they’d whip up something awesome for the sequel, instead of wasting time on Cars 2, which I can’t imagine many people care about."
I think I loved this movie. Way better than Cars, which I clearly did not like. It’s funny, in a way. It’s romantic, in a way. It’s disturbing, in several ways. Visually interesting, too. The lead female is played by Marion Cotillard, who played Mal in Inception. The Kick song in Inception is “Non, je ne regrette rien,” a song made famous by Edith Piaf. Marion Cotillard played Edith Piaf in La Vie En Rose. The song “La Vie en rose” is featured heavily in Love Me If You Dare. I think the French are just really proud of that song.
Soo two of my friends mentioned something about seeing John Mayer tonight and it made me think of you and your hatred for him. Not a question, but just thought you'd like to know that I can't think of Jay May without thinking of you. Thanks for that.
I’ve been hearing this more and more lately, about people mentioning John Mayer in everyday life and then immediately jumping to “J. May” in their minds. I totes dig that. Although I hope it doesn’t get to the point where people only think of J. May when they think of me, because I do other things. That would suck.
"Pixar Made a Bad Movie," or "A 4-Years-Late Review of Cars"
I finally watched Pixar’s Cars. I had been holding off on it because I love Pixar’s movies (because I am a human) and I had a sneaking suspicion that it was not very good. I was partly right, because it’s not very good, but I was also partly wrong, because it’s kind of a piece of shit. The worst part of Cars is not Larry the Cable Guy. Read that sentence again to fully understand the weight of the situation.
To start off, let me tell you what Cars is about: Cars who watch other cars race each other. I think this is inherently dumb. You might say “Yeah, but Cody, humans watch people race each other all the time.” To that I say that they should have just made that instead and called the movie “Humans.” And that’s actually my biggest problem with the movie, there is no humanity in it. Every other Pixar movie has humans in it, at least tangentially. Sometimes humans greatly affect the story and sometimes they don’t, but the stories always take place within a semi-logical human world. Cars does not take place in a world where cars are driven by humans and the cars have human-like features and the cars have a connection to their drivers and the driver and car learn things about themselves and each other. Cars takes place in a world made up of cars and that’s it. There are buildings, though. There are buildings and roads and machines with dials and where did this stuff come from?
I know it’s an animated movie and I should suspend my disbelief and accept this, but it’s also Pixar. Every other one of their movies “makes sense” within the reality of the world they’ve created. This one does not. Everything has knobs on it, but no one has hands because everyone is cars, so how do the cars turn these knobs? Who built the buildings the cars sleep in? Some cars make mention of what they were like when they were kids. What are kid cars like and how do they grow up to become adult cars? Do the cars grow? The only answer given to any of these questions is “Um… because of cars?” There aren’t just cars in this humanless world-clearly-manufactured-by-humans, either. There are also planes and helicopters and tractors. Should have just called it Vehicles so I can ask, “Where do all the vehicles come from and how did these vehicles build these buildings?”
Yes, I’m stressing details here, but the details speak to the larger laziness of the entire movie. At the beginning of the film, we’re introduced to the Main Car. Main Car is really cocky and is mean to his pit crew. Then an older, wiser car tells him that he should learn to trust other people (cars) and not be such a loner. Main Car is all, “Whatever, old man, I’m the best!” Then he gets stuck in a small town with a bunch of cars who would make a pretty good pit crew, if only he could trust them. Cue the most predictable movie ever, and top it off with an “emotional montage” featuring a song by James Taylor (music-speak for “bland”).
The whole movie is just vanilla and lazy. At one point, a car addresses other cars by saying “Ladies and gentlecars!” Excuse me, car, but don’t you mean “Cars and more cars?” The whole flick is full of generic everyday phrases like that, only they change a word to “car” or “tire.” The whole script is basically Mad Libs for cars. Or, like, Muffler Libs. I would also prefer it if movies never use the line “I hope you find what you’re looking for” ever again. Seriously.
I’m not as angry as I may sound about this. I’m just ranting and craving a cigarette. It’s a four-year-old movie and I should watch it, not like it, and forget about. Except for the fact that of all the amazing movies Pixar has made, they chose Cars as the one that deserves a sequel. Booooooo!
Oh, and as the movie ends in the way I predicted from the beginning, the credits start to roll. Over the credits is a John Mayer song.
With regards to your ongoing comical Tumblr feud with John Mayer: I believe with absolute conviction that John Mayer is a complete sociopath, but my rage renders me inarticulate and I'm powerless to express it reasonably. I'm particularly offended by the way he parades a sick child around in public as a shield of charity for himself, it's nothing but a cold, calculated PR move. How easily people are fooled. On behalf of everyone everywhere who can't stand the guy, thank you for articulating your criticisms of John Mayer so well.
I’m glad I can help you out. The people who can’t stand J. May will inherit the Earth.
WHY R U ALWAYS SO MEAN TO JOHN MAYER?!?!?!?!? SRSLY HE'S A REALLY GOOD MUSICIAN AND A REALLY GOOD PERSON AND BLAH BLAH BLAH I HATE U B/C UR A DICK AND SARCASM DOESN'T EXIST IN MY WORLD!!!!!!!!!
(P.S. Keep fighting the good fight)
Who is this sarcasm person and what the fuck is a “John Mayer?”
Vampires Suck, the latest comedic abortion from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, was the number two movie this weekend. A year and two weeks ago, I wrote this article about their past comedic abortions. In it, I wrote a fake trailer to a predicted fake movie of theirs called “Vampire Movie.” Hey, Jason and Aaron, either give me lots of money or stop making movies…
We open on a pond at night. Spooky mist floats above the water. We close in on three lily pads, each of which has a frog sitting, unmoving. We zoom in closer and as they speak, we see they are each sporting a set of fangs.
Frog #1: Vam…
Frog #2: Pie…
Frog #3: Errr…
Frog #1: Vam-
Frog #2: Pie-
Frog #3: Errr…
An aluminum can pops up from beneath the water with the words “Vampire Beer” on it. The figure holding it emerges and it is Chris Tucker with fangs.
Chris Tucker With Fangs: Drink Vampire Beer, boyyeeeee!!!
The screen goes to black as a faux-movie trailer voice narrates title cards as they appear.
"THIS SUMMER… "
We see Kal Penn as a werewolf fighting with Carmen Electra as Busty the Vampire Slayer.
"COMES A FILM… "
We see Kal Penn’s werewolf and Busty the Vampire Slayer fighting again. Busty farts. The Kal Penn werewolf makes a grossed-out, goofy face as in “eeewwww, no she di-in’t!”
"SO HAIR-RAISING… "
Anna Faris as The Chick From Twilight: You feel cold…
Topher Grace-looking motherfucker as The Dude From Twilight: Like an ice cold Pepsi?
Anna Faris as The Chick From Twilight: Absolutely like an ice cold Pepsi…
"SO BLOOD-SUCKING… "
We see Leslie Neilson in Heath Ledger’s Joker makeup.
Leslie Nielson as Heath Ledger’s Joker For Some Reason: This city deserves a better class of vampire… And I’m gonna give it to ‘em… Now let’s suck some blood from that FACE!
"IT ABSOLUTELY DOESN’T… "
Topher Grace-looking motherfucker as The Dude From Twilight: I’m a vampire.
Some Random Character: Waaaaaall-eeeeee…
We see a bunch of fast clips from the “movie.” Most of them are just scenes from Watchmen for some reason. There are a lot more farts and there’s one part that “parodies” the Mac commercials where a character is all “Hi, I’m a vampire,” and the other character is all “And I’m a werewolf.”
"CARMEN ELECTRA… "
"KAL PENN… "
"JENNIFER COOLIDGE… "
"A BUNCH OF FUNNY MINOR CELEBRITIES WHO SADLY MAKE YOU WANT TO SHOOT THOSE FUNNY MINOR CELEBRITIES IN THE FACE FOR NEEDING PAYCHECKS SO BADLY THAT THEY GIVE AN INCREDIBLY PISS-POOR PERFORMANCE IN AN INCREDIBLY PISS-POOR EXCUSE FOR A COMEDY FILM… "
"AND HALF THE CAST OF ANY SEASON OF MADtv… “
“VAMPIRE MOVIE… “
"COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR… BOO!"
The screen fades to black and then the voice suddenly comes back.
"ALSO STARRING BILLY DEE WAYANS AS VAMPIRE LE GAT."
Listen Cody. You're kind of taking this whole thing too far. When you reblogged the post of Issac from John Mayer (on your equally-as-lame as this blog "heyjmayfollowcody") it seems rude to me to use that post of John's to attack him. There is no reason that you need to include a sick child's photo in your fake little war you have going on. You do realize that you are being childish, correct?
Also, It's really none of your business how John spends HIS money. Money that he has worked very hard for. Which, yes, I do realize you stated that it was not your business. However, you still commented on how you think it should be spent. You say that in the letter to John from the Issac Foundation there was no mention of money being given to them. Maybe they didn't feel that the money was the more important part of what John did for them. How the hell do you know he didn't give them money. If that wasn't the most memorable part of the visit to that family they wouldn't mention it right? That little boys happiness is worth more than cash to them. I'm not saying that I know them either, but I know if it was MY son the smiles would mean so much more to me. Do you know that he does alot for other people? Well, I doubt you do because you're too busy being a 5 year old and harrassing him. I know that I don't actually KNOW John Mayer, but I do know alot about him and he does give back. You should really really consider giving up your immature argument. You're pushing it.
Also, you're kind of being a huge asshole.
Hi, Shady. I’m not going to make a big sarcastic to-do about this, because I’ve already forgotten about the J. Maytriots twice, and I don’t want to do it again. I could very well be a huge dick and rip you apart and tear down your argument and turn this whole thing around on you and have a big old mean laugh about it, but that’s not what this is about. I will address your points calmly and rationally, in the order you presented them, because we are all human beings here.
First of all, I can not stress enough how easily you can ignore these things of mine that you don’t like. If you think I’m taking it too far, you can ignore it. This whole J. May thing should not affect you in any way, although I truly am sorry that it seems to. I’m not reblogging your posts or e-mailing you or “harassing” you or anything like that. You have to actively seek out these posts in order to read them. If you think the other blog is just as lame as this one, don’t read either of them.
I really don’t see how I was being “rude” by reblogging that photo. I had nothing but nice things to say about Isaac and I, in fact, went out of my way to not attack J. May in that post. I don’t think you read it. Here it is:
This is really cute, J. May. Cute kids with cute things they made are cute. I visited Isaac’s Foundation’s page, too. It’s a really great cause, trying to improve that kid’s life, and I’m proud of you for being at least tangentially involved. It’s nice that you took time out of your day to spend time with him and make him smile. From what I’ve read (a lot) it seems like he needs smiles. There’s more to this (and it has a lot to do with this), but I will save that for my next post, because even you deserve some respect for trying to brighten this kid’s day. Even though your name is “J. May.” Seriously, what a dumb name.
Yeah, I called his name dumb, but also his name isn’t “J. May.” I was very clearly joking there, and everything else was quite courteous. So, sorry, but I respectfully disagree with the opinion that it was rude to reblog that photo.
You are right about how J. May worked hard for his money and how it’s none of my business what he spends it on. However, you’re also right about how I already said that in my post, so I don’t really know what you want me to say here. In fact, all of your points are things I mentioned in my original post. I don’t know the guy, I don’t know for sure if he gave tons of money to the family, I don’t know much about him or what he does with his money, and I said that. I wrote it anyway, because I still stand by my opinion that no one needs that kind of money. And even if J. May does “give back,” he still has $40 million. I have a blog. It’s for thoughts and opinions and whatever I want. I’m sorry you disagree with me, but it doesn’t change the fact that I think $40 million is too much money for one person. I think that because it is.
And I’m sorry you think I’m “kind of being a huge asshole” (as opposed to “definitely being a bit of an asshole”), but I’d like to point out that at least I took the time to address your points and talk to you like a human being. I sincerely hope I didn’t offend you further with this post; I simply replied in the manner I know and I tried to keep it as respectful and honest as possible. And, you know, I didn’t have to. I have other things to do. I’m in the middle of animating right now, but I took the time to read your paragraph/question and then craft a respectful and well thought-out reply, even though you are attacking me. It sounds a little like someone else I know who is kind of named J. May. The difference is that he hasn’t responded once, even when my questions to him were reasonable and respectful and honest. Also, even if you started a one-sided feud with me and reblogged all of my posts, I wouldn’t block you. And if I did block you, I would at least try to talk to you about it first. Respond to one of your posts. Respond to one of your questions. Try to open up a dialogue because, all jokes aside, we are still human beings. If you were still a dick after that, though, yeah, I’d totally block you.
In summary, I will consider giving up my “immature argument” when J. May follows me like he said he would.
Dude, why is it that every time we are making out, everything's going really well and then suddenly you're all like "No, no, I'm straight" and then you run out of the room?
If you ask me, that's pretty faggy.
In regards to your question, Zach, you should know by now that I’m playing hard to get. If you knew I was a sure thing, then you would quickly lose interest. Also you kiss real faggy, which I’m not into.