As a guitarist you should collaborate with John Mayer. I bet he would love to make a goosebumps style song about Yeerks with you, but only if you included the numbers from the Island.......either that or I just had the first Cody Wet Dream
"Your Hork-Bajir Is A Wonderlocke?" Something like that? I’m cool with it, but he can only play tambourine.
The audience for America’s Got Talent is an audience of dicks. Because someone looks a little off, they automatically have no talent? Why are you so blown away when some weird-looking foreign dude has a good voice? “Oh, my god, I was so surprised when you started singing.” Newsflash! Call the news people! A lot of normal-looking people are talentless douchebags. This show isn’t even about judging people; it’s about pre-judging people. I do not like it and I do not like how it makes people think. Sorry, show, but I am judging you.
And, yes, I am only slightly embarrassed that America’s Got Talent is on in the background. I’m just waiting for the Louie premiere. Don’t judge me. Save that for when you watch America’s Got Talent.
I appreciate this, J. May, because it’s always nice when people come together for those in need. It’s good that you’re spreading the word on Tumblr. I would, however, like to point out that someone who is worth more than $40 million could take care of this problem with a single check.
A Lafayette family is appealing for help during a tragic time. Nicole Murphy was struck and killed by a car this week while in South Africa. A former soccer standout at Saint Thomas More Catholic High School in Lafayette, she travelled to the country for the World Cup along…
If you haven’t seen Toy Story 3 yet, quit mussing around on the internet and go do that. Personally, I thought it was the best of the three, in form and in emotional impact. Here’s an article from The Telegraph that tries to make all us dudes feel better about blubbering like fools at a movie about talking toys.
Tumblr is broken today. If you asked me a question, I answered it but it didn’t post and now it is lost forever. The answer to totosuchi's question was this. The answer to kaseygirl's question was something along the lines of “I'll start renaming all of my J. May reblogs “Fuck You, J. May,” so when you click like on my reblog (even though it shows up to him as someone liking his post), it’ll actually show up as “kaseygirl likes your post: Fuck You, J. May.”
Also, if this gets posted and then those answers get posted later on, sorry for the double posts. Please blame Tumblr. Also, Tumblr, please fix Tumblr.
The new episode of Futurama is available for streaming already, as are a couple others. Against my better judgment, I started watching the premiere because “I want to watch it NOW.” I rarely ever laugh out loud when I’m alone, whether it’s from reading or watching something. I’ve already “LOLed” like five times and I’m at about the three minute mark. I love this show.
EDIT: It also almost made my dead soulless robot heart feel emotion. Top of their game right out of the gate.
The negative comments on a lot of my articles/videos should probably bother me, because they can get pretty harsh. They never really do, though. It’s partly because I’m doing what I want to do and what I think I should do, so that’s all that really matters. It’s partly because they’re usually riddled with grammatical and spelling errors and look like they were written by 5-year-olds. It’s partly because I truly don’t mind being hated by the kind of people who feel compelled to tell someone to fuck off and die of AIDS simply because we have different senses of humor. And every once in a while I’ll get a well-written, extremely kind e-mail from some random person on the web, and that is good.
J.D. Salinger’s full name is Jady “Dazzle” Salinger. He only ever wrote one short story, Phony Balogne and The Lonely, No Good, Very Bad Day. He had committed to writing a complete novel, though, so his publisher (Archie Comics) just printed the same short story 26 times in a row and called it a book. The book, Catcher In The Rye, was originally mostly about baseball and bread, but Jady’s editor thought he should probably just pick one, which he did. No one ever found out which one he picked and scholars are still reading that short story 26 times to search for clues. Salinger, you see, was quite the mystery lover and he would often try to drop hints during interviews.
“Everyone, look at me,” he would say. “What am I doing right now?” Then he would make a series of enigmatic hand gestures followed by a knowing smile, as if he were helping. These hand gestures, which you can find video of on YouTube, still confound even the brightest of deaf people, as well as the likes of Agatha Christie and Elmore Leonard. You can find their extensive notes and research here.
Salinger was famous the world over for his press conferences, which he would hold at least once a week if he wasn’t too busy adapting Catcher for the big screen or the stage or various other media outlets. Many of the press conferences turned into scavenger hunts which would have been orchestrated by his wife, were he ever married. He desperately wanted to get married, but his constant hunger for the spotlight always seemed to get in the way of his relationships. Were he dead, he would have died alone.
Jady was quite the trickster, as well. He would often sneak up on strangers to give them a bit of a spook, and his card tricks were legendary.
He loved a good joke, which is why Catcher’s main character was originally named Holden Green Lantern. Unfortunately for Jady, his publisher was more of a Mr. Weatherbee fan, so it was demanded that he change the name to something more neutral. Jady ended up changing it to “Tony Macaroni,” and that is what is printed in the novel to this day.
Presently, Salinger is still alive and resides in a museum he built for himself in New York City. You may send flowers, although he would really prefer it if you would just visit. He is currently working on a sequel to Catcher In The Rye, but so far it is just five pages of his signature, which no one has ever seen. The working title is Nine Stories (About Green Lantern) and a movie deal is already in the works.
If you were a lady, how would you do your hair, you know, down there?
Please answer in answer in the form of an anecdote or parable.
(When I said down there I meant the vagina)
"Attention passengers," Toddy said into the intercom. "We’re coming up on LAX, so please fasten your seat belts. If you have to use the bathroom, I suggest you hold it. If it is an emergency, please alert one of the flight attendants."
Toddy turned the intercom off and began landing procedures. The plane began to descend. He had done this many times before. More times than he could count. This will be cake, he thought.
But then he looked down upon the horizon and could see no airport. LAX was nowhere to be found. The plane, he suspected, was going to crash and burn.
Toddy was worried. This was one of a pilot’s many worst nightmares. He was holding 47 lives in his hands, and there was now the very real chance that he was going to clap those hands together, crushing the lives of all that were under his care.
Then he saw it. Sweet relief. The passengers would be safe. He would be safe. There on the horizon, he saw the landing strip.