December 2008
32 posts
The Big Big Meal
Going to Cleveland tonight. Should be fun (and funs). Happy New Year to you all. Chapter the First of The Big Big Meal can be found here. Chapter The Second: In Which Our Hero Wants A Refill The hatless man took another bite of his Crab Bang Boom. It was delicious when he received it and it was delicious when he took the bite mentioned in the sentence before this one. Unfortunately, it was...
Oh, yeah…
In 3 weeks, LOST season is upon...
The Horrors Of Facebook
A few days ago, I received a Facebook friend request from Tara Wallehoringer. I don’t know this person, but I clicked “accept” anyway. I pretty immediately found out that this Tara person was a 14-year-old girl. I cancelled our “friendship” and sent her a message. The following is a screenshot of the back and forth messaging that followed. I did not make this up,...
Dr. Mister Cody: Sleepless And Delirious, Pt. 2
I failed.
I want to kill myself.
Go to hell, Brady.
Goodnight soon, Cody.
Goodnight soon…
Dr. Mister Cody: Sleepless And Delirious, Pt. 1
So it has been a while since I have posted something, and there are several reasons for that. Partly it’s because I’m busy working on several projects at once. But more importantly, it’s the holidays, so kindly fuck off.
Moving on.
My good friend and former roommate (who we’ll call “Tom,” because that’s his name) joined the Peace Corps a year ago. ...
moms
Earlier today, I was with family at my brother’s house, you know, enjoying family. My sister decided to go back to her place and start preparing and all that. We would head over there a little later. As she walked out the door, my mom said “Bye, love you!” and then my sister left. The door closed, and a few seconds later my mom exclaimed, “Oh no! I forgot to say be...
It’s A Christmas Miracle, Vin!
(please enjoy...
President Bush Pardons Dead Hero. ... →
Very good, President Bush. You have pardoned someone posthumously, which completely doesn’t matter and now you look like you’re a “kind soul.” Please, news people, tell me something that affects the living, like the ONE HUNDRED NINETY other people he pardoned…
Local Student Can't Believe He Just Called Teacher...
In a truly unexpected moment during school, Freshman and now socially-doomed Freshman Alanore Breadslick accidentally called his third period English teacher ”Mommy.” The classroom instantly burst into laughter, and it wasn’t long after that that the punching began. It wasn’t long after that that the principal was called in for a quick chuckle. The teacher, Mrs. Hellens,...
“When here.”
– Anonymous Roman
5 Lazy Ways To Get Punched In The Face By A...
5 - Fall Asleep Mid-Conversation This tactic can take place at a large variety of locations and during many diverse situations. Maybe you’re at a job interview or you just brought table five their drinks. A first date is the perfect opportunity, though depending on your gender you may have to settle for simply getting slapped in the face, because I’m sexist and don’t think girls ever punch. ...
I just booked a reunion show for the...
If I Have A Blog Five Years From Now
Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted. I’m super busy with the zombie epidemic. I assume no one’s even reading this (because of the zombie epidemic), but I find blogging therapeutic, especially during such an intense zombie epidemic.
That reminds me, this coming weekend will mark my final appearance on Zombie Night Live, mainly because a majority of the cast is now...
Improv Can Save Your [Job]
It was so incredibly easy to wake up today, because I knew instead of going to work, I was going to be doing some fun improv with fun people for fun students. Normally, I wait until the last minute, get ready, and begrudgingly go out the door. Today, though, I waited until almost the last minute, got ready, and happily went out the door. Following that was two hours of waking up coupled...
Dalliant Versus Doofund
As seen in Highlights For Groweds-Ups, here is the second most crudely-drawn comic ever. The first, of course, is Marmaduke.
Galactica Actual: Boomer’s Lament
Special...
The Big Big Meal
The Big Big Meal is a fake novel or “novella” or “dumb thing” I never planned to write. The first occurrence of this “dumb thing” was the very last sentence, which can be found here. Another excerpt is here and another here. For some reason, several people thoroughly enjoy these. So in the interest of pandering, here is Chapter 1 of The Big Big Meal. Chapter...
Dark Knight DVD Sales Solve Economic Crisis
Yesterday on December 9th, The Dark Knight DVD hit store shelves across the country from New York to LA to the real life Gotham City, Wyoming where Batman resides. Poised to become the highest-grossing film of all time when it returns to theaters in January, The Dark Knight has already beaten out each Star War, all of the wizard films, and each Pirate-themed Johnny Depp movie, although it has yet...
This morning, a preacher on the radio was arguing (aka “preaching”) that God clearly wrote the Bible. He (God) just happened to have written it from Man’s point of view. That’s fine. That’s the kind of mild crazy I expect from these hipcats. The preacher’s argument, however, was the following direct quote: “The Bible says ‘The Lord is my...
Galactica Actual: Sacrifice (We Miss Billy)
...
Uptight Finnigan's Parade: The Prequel
So it’s been brought to my attention by more than three people that the post below, “Uptight Finnigan’s Parade” makes no sense and “what the fuck?” and so on. Originally it was just the title for a post about my experience seeing the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Touring Company. It began with some general and also specific praise for the 8th floor, who...
If It Were A Snake, It Actually Would Have Just...
I wasn’t looking for my fucking keys, I was looking for my pet shark Tooth Man Slumbers. And, yes, I should have found him earlier, but that guy is wily as a road runner high speed online. I had taken him out of the tank for his weekly air bath, and wouldn’t you know it, but the phone rang! So I leave him for MAYBE three minutes to yell at someone… I’m actually not sure who and now that I...
My Twitter (November)
Finally killed my bird! 4:32 PM Nov 29th from web
Dude, the soundtrack to The Two Towers totally syncs up with the movie of Return of the King 3:29 AM Nov 27th from web
I did NOT order this!!! 6:24 PM Nov 26th from text
think my gramophone’s finally broken 2:11 PM Nov 26th from web
Tacos were good. Fucking was better. 8:47 PM Nov 25th from web
Only five more liters! 10:19 AM Nov 24th from...
Galactica Actual: Jammin’ On Gemenon...
Uptight Finnigan's Parade
Uptight Finnigan was an eastern proto-punk/classical-rap fusion band from Milwaukee. There were a questionable number of members and they were all a little semi-retarded. Every year, to make the band feel better, the people of Milwaukee would throw a big parade where everyone would throw guitars at each other. The one or more band member or band members died or fell asleep in an elevator last...
Feed Store Owner Challenges College Students to...
MELANOR, OHIO - Local down-home old country treasure and international movie star want-to-be-er Douglass “Old Doggins” Doggins has been a mainstay of the Melanor strip mall since the end of the Smock Wars. In those days, feed sold like food, and no one was complete without a stop by Old Doggins’ place. It seemed like everyone had a need for feed, and that feed was fine indeed,...
Interviewin' with Dr. Mister Cody
I recently had the “opportunity” to sit down with the incomparable Britney Spears. Incomparable if you are trying to compare her to something that doesn’t exist. Anything else, she would be easily compared to whatever that anything else is…
Dr. Mister Cody: Thanks for your time, Ms. Spears. Britney Spears: Huh? Dr. Mister Cody: So your life must be pretty crazy. I...
ugh
I am having a crazy nutjob of a day at work. I am now at lunch, and I am so thrilled to be at lunch. Here are some names and words that do not rhyme with lunch:
Laxative, nationwide, Salacious Crumb, feathery, March Madness, indemnity, fungasm, Honus Gumbone, rectify, lynch, carnationwide, Felatious Cum, wreath, and step-ball-change.
Goodbye forever.
The Curse of The Moongician (And Other Tales To...
Today’s Nightmare…
NOW YOU INVISIBLE, NOW YOU DON’T INVISIBLE
Nearly never noticed, Nathan would have been known as Nearly Never Noticed Nathan, but no one knew his name. He was most often referred to as “Excuse me, guy” or nothing at all. Quite honestly, he preferred nothing at all, because he could then pretend he was in a fight with whomever was ignoring him.
He...
