Hi. I'm Cody. I like jokes and songs and yes, ladies, I like Star Wars. I work for Cracked.com as a columnist, sketch writer, editor, performer, animator, and FX artist. Here's a dumb thing I do there. I also run Buzzfeed Minus GIFs, LOST Answers, and Blog-A-Song, if you're into those sorts of things. I live in LA and the e-mail I give people is Dr.MisterCody@gmail.com.
Important Update for Dog Owners and General Update for Curious Friends, AKA “Our Dog Might Be Sick, Could You Please Make It Much Worse?”
So we just found out what the deal is, and I want everyone (specifically friends with dogs) to know about it. Yesterday I posted an adorable photo of our sick puppy Maggie…
She looks so happy, and it’s one of my favorite pictures of her, but it is misleading. She was simply thrilled to see us and thrilled to be outside, walking alongside her favorite people. Once we took her home, she zonked out. She has mostly been asleep for the past 24 hours, and has not eaten much. She’s really not doing great, we’re still not sure if she’ll be okay, and here’s why…
Several days ago, she got into some chocolate cupcakes. It wasn’t a lot, and we weren’t too worried, because dogs need a lot of chocolate for it to be toxic, but we took her into the ER anyway to be safe. They fed her charcoal to absorb the toxins, and they gave her an injection of subcutaneous (under the skin) fluid to keep her hydrated. We took her home, and the next day she yelped whenever we picked her up, could barely walk, and was lethargic and panting. Closer inspection revealed a very nasty red spot on her skin where the subcutaneous fluid had pooled (pooling is normal, the nastiness is not). Several days in the hospital and thousands of dollars later, we’ve confirmed what we expected but what the hospital couldn’t yet admit: the fluid they injected her with was contaminated, and what we’re seeing is a really bad bacterial infection. It’s affecting her skin, her gallbladder, and her liver. Also she’s only sleeping and barely eating.
Throughout this entire experience, all the doctors kept saying how “very weird” her symptoms were, despite the fact that they read various veterinary forums describing this exact thing. On the forums, the fluid was contaminated with bacteria. At the hospital, most of the doctors dismissed the idea and said it was probably an allergic reaction to the fluid, which according to them has also never happened to any dog anywhere ever. It was very clear to us what was actually going on, because the night before, she had a pool of fluid under her arm, and the next morning she had an extremely red and painful spot where the fluid had been. As the proud owner of a logical, scientifically literate human brain, it was pretty clear from the beginning. But we’re not vets and we didn’t want to tell them how to do their jobs based on assumption, however obvious it might have seemed.
The hospital has rightfully refunded everything we spent, which is great, but also they basically poisoned our dog.
We know this is ultimately not the hospital’s fault, it is the fluid manufacturer’s fault. But if we didn’t take her to them just to be safe, she would be completely fine right now.
We are still waiting for more info about what to expect. As far as we can tell, she might be fine, she might be the opposite of fine, we just don’t know. I am optimistic, but I also don’t know. It is a little scary and a lot infuriating. She is sleeping across from me now, every so often looking at me with miserable eyes, a deep sigh, and then back to sleep. Our cat Henry hates Maggie, and he keeps checking up on her, too. I don’t want to scare dog owners or anything. This isn’t a common thing. But it’s also something that apparently isn’t discussed a lot. The topic was dismissed and avoided until it was unavoidable. The head doctor at the hospital has admittedly been very kind and helpful, though. He has been really the best of everyone throughout the weekend. He’s even said “one thing you should make sure to do is tell people about this.” So that’s what I’m doing. Now you know this is a possibility, even if a vet says it’s not one. Don’t let it deter you from doing what your dog needs, obviously, but just know to be a little careful and ask questions.
Thank you for bearing with this joke-free joke blog while I am sad. I’ll do jokes later. To tide you over, butts butts butts also poops and yes also butts.
Thanks for everyone’s support and kindness. Katy and I really appreciate it. More butts.
My dog is very sick (she’ll probably be fine, I think, maybe, I don’t know). After a late night of worry at the animal ER and an afternoon of worry at the regular vet, I can confirm that I should never have actual human kids. Aside from the all-consuming, putting-your-life-on-hold, also-goodbye-to-all-your-money aspect of having children, I don’t think my heart could take it. Because look at this adorable loving thing of yours and what if literally anything happens to it what will you do then. Look how sad and pained it is, there’s nothing you can do about it. From the bottom of whatever is in my chest, kudos to all you parents of human children. You’re champions.
My next post will be some hilarious joke, I promise*.