The Radiopants Dance

Hi. I'm Cody. I like jokes and songs and yes, ladies, I like Star Wars. I work for Cracked.com as a columnist, sketch writer, editor, performer, animator, and FX artist. Here's a dumb thing I do there. I also run Buzzfeed Minus GIFs, LOST Answers, and Blog-A-Song, if you're into those sorts of things. I live in LA and the e-mail I give people is Dr.MisterCody@gmail.com.

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Sep 1
This is how some people actually think. This is what some people took away from all of that “sharing” talk in Kindergarten. That sharing doesn’t require consent. It simply requires a desire to have what someone else has.
"You deserved this because… you would never date me."
Take out a few more words and it becomes even more clear:

"You deserved this because me."

There are a lot of similar comments on my recent Ferguson article from white males. “Yeah, black people have it bad, but so do I! We’re all human beings in this together!”
Not really. Not here. Not in this country, and certainly not seen in these people’s statements. The people above are human beings who feel they have more rights and privileges than the women they’re violating. They deserve more respect and more things simply because they want. White men are human beings, but white women are women. Black women are black women.
And when practically every person within one of those “not quite a full human being” groups says something is true of how they are (mis)treated, ‘Ol Dick Whitey comes in and makes it about them. Not about white men in general, though, about one specific white man: whoever is talking at the time. They hear millions of people, and they shush them because their movie’s being ruined. Change your fucking seat, bro.
Women have to serve and please me because I want it.
I deserve it because I want it.
I can ignore all of you, because me.

This is how some people actually think. This is what some people took away from all of that “sharing” talk in Kindergarten. That sharing doesn’t require consent. It simply requires a desire to have what someone else has.

"You deserved this because… you would never date me."

Take out a few more words and it becomes even more clear:

"You deserved this because me."

There are a lot of similar comments on my recent Ferguson article from white males. “Yeah, black people have it bad, but so do I! We’re all human beings in this together!”

Not really. Not here. Not in this country, and certainly not seen in these people’s statements. The people above are human beings who feel they have more rights and privileges than the women they’re violating. They deserve more respect and more things simply because they want. White men are human beings, but white women are women. Black women are black women.

And when practically every person within one of those “not quite a full human being” groups says something is true of how they are (mis)treated, ‘Ol Dick Whitey comes in and makes it about them. Not about white men in general, though, about one specific white man: whoever is talking at the time. They hear millions of people, and they shush them because their movie’s being ruined. Change your fucking seat, bro.

Women have to serve and please me because I want it.

I deserve it because I want it.

I can ignore all of you, because me.


wild night at the johnston computer

wild night at the johnston computer


Aug 31

bestnatesmithever:

Where do these things come from? I love them.

Audio is from this wonderful original medley by They Might Be Giants. Video is from…


shinji-kun69:

Don’t ever fucking try to tell me that white people aren’t targeted and discriminated against for the color of their skin. Don’t ever try to fucking say that ANYONE has never been discriminated against. If you want fucking justice, then ACT on that justice.

HI UM NOPE
This headline is the deformed offspring of lies, bad reporting, and a Getty Image from 2012 taken after a man was beaten by police at the Occupy Wall Street protests.
The article cites no sources and reads like a Facebook Aunt telling a story they heard from their son’s buddy Taylor, most likely because it’s a poorly-paraphrased version of this also false article that calls itself ”White Man Cold-Cocked By Vicious Ferguson Mob In Blatant Racist Attack.” Money quote from the article:

“Most recently, a man was simply standing outside of a St. Louis McDonald’s where he was surrounded by a group of black man who punched the man in the face for no reason whatsoever. Seemingly unprovoked, the group intentionally targeted this man for nothing more than his skin color in a backwards attempt at justice for Mike Brown.”

Ah, yes, the classic “for no reason whatsoever” immediately followed by “for nothing more than his skin color in a backwards attempt at justice for Mike Brown” trick. That old reporting chestnut.
Anyway. The tale of an entire mob attacking this man was followed up by showing these tweets, where the story originated:

This is all from the same article, mind you. There’s a paragraph describing a mob of black men attacking this white guy, and then they show the actual source describing a single black man punching the guy in the face once. Also? The Knockout Game doesn’t exist.
ALSO also?

So really, “Black Man Punches White Man In Face, Other Black Men Try To Apprehend Black Man Who Punched White Man In Face,” because Ferguson’s hero-to-asshole ratio is actually through the fucking roof.
And yet…

Anyway. It sucks that the guy got punched a couple weeks ago, but if you’re going to lie about it, try being just so much better at lying.

shinji-kun69:

Don’t ever fucking try to tell me that white people aren’t targeted and discriminated against for the color of their skin. Don’t ever try to fucking say that ANYONE has never been discriminated against. If you want fucking justice, then ACT on that justice.

HI UM NOPE

This headline is the deformed offspring of lies, bad reporting, and a Getty Image from 2012 taken after a man was beaten by police at the Occupy Wall Street protests.

The article cites no sources and reads like a Facebook Aunt telling a story they heard from their son’s buddy Taylor, most likely because it’s a poorly-paraphrased version of this also false article that calls itself ”White Man Cold-Cocked By Vicious Ferguson Mob In Blatant Racist Attack.” Money quote from the article:

Most recently, a man was simply standing outside of a St. Louis McDonald’s where he was surrounded by a group of black man who punched the man in the face for no reason whatsoever. Seemingly unprovoked, the group intentionally targeted this man for nothing more than his skin color in a backwards attempt at justice for Mike Brown.”

Ah, yes, the classic “for no reason whatsoever” immediately followed by “for nothing more than his skin color in a backwards attempt at justice for Mike Brown” trick. That old reporting chestnut.

Anyway. The tale of an entire mob attacking this man was followed up by showing these tweets, where the story originated:

image

This is all from the same article, mind you. There’s a paragraph describing a mob of black men attacking this white guy, and then they show the actual source describing a single black man punching the guy in the face once. Also? The Knockout Game doesn’t exist.

ALSO also?

image

So really, “Black Man Punches White Man In Face, Other Black Men Try To Apprehend Black Man Who Punched White Man In Face,” because Ferguson’s hero-to-asshole ratio is actually through the fucking roof.

And yet…

image

Anyway. It sucks that the guy got punched a couple weeks ago, but if you’re going to lie about it, try being just so much better at lying.

(via shinji-kun69-deactivated2014090)


iwriteaboutfeminism:

Saturday morning, over 1,000 people march for justice for Michael Brown. 

August 30th.

Animals.

(via nuditea)


Aug 30
feelknower1993:

Worth crossposting I think.

feelknower1993:

Worth crossposting I think.

(via getoffmyblog)


Aug 29

Dial “E” For “Ew! Bugs!”

Wormy B. Beetleson was a normal boy with a stupid name. His normalcy was almost noticeable to the point of being off-putting. His dumb fucking name didn’t help.

"Wormy?" anyone who ever met him would ask. "What kind of name is… you know what? You’re not worth it," and they would walk away with Wormy not saying a word.

Wormy was orphaned by someone at some point, so that was rough probably. Since then, people have walked away from him after hearing his name, so he has not known another person for more than half of the beginning of a conversation.

"I am worth it!" Wormy B. Beetleson would shout, but they couldn’t hear him so it didn’t count. Wormy would never meet anyone. 

With no people around to distract him, he turned into a whole pile ‘a bugs.

The End.

It’s a metaphor for bugs.


That rating is exactly accurate.

That rating is exactly accurate.


A lot of comments from probably white people saying that I shouldn’t have described Darren Wilson as “white” and Michael Brown as “black” in my column today. That this is about cops abusing humans, and I shouldn’t be making it out like it’s a racial issue. That, more than anything, it’s about the abuse of power. Since I can’t write another fucking column about this, and I’m rocking my high horse today, here’s a response I wrote to someone. I just think more white folk should hear this stuff, and be okay saying it to other white folk…

You’re right, in that the abuse of power is the point, but you’re not looking at the whole picture. I don’t want to assume, but let’s say that for the sake of this discussion you are white. It’s cool, so am I, we’re twinsies.

As a white person, you are able to say “this is not a racial issue” because you don’t see your own race. As white people in America, we are the majority of the population, which means that we are the “normal”. White people can ignore race and “not see it”, because race doesn’t affect them in any negative way thanks to [all of history]. Black people can’t ignore their race, because they experience its effect every day. Socially, economically, pop culturally, and so on.

Denying that this is a racial issue is denying that racism exists and that the problems of non-white people don’t exist. Racism isn’t just believing stereotypes or hating someone because of their race. Racism is when those prejudices are practiced by a race that has power over other races. When that prejudice seeps into a society’s system and becomes a part of it. Our country was built on slavery and the oppression of other races. We have since worked beyond the worst of that, but those foundations have not disappeared (and if you think they have, again, I’m going to have to assume that you’re white like me?).

Racism is systematic. I don’t see that because the system benefits me. I am no authority on racism because I am not affected by it, but I can listen to people who are authorities on it, and learn. It is okay to not know everything.

And I can’t speak to Darren Wilson’s racial prejudices, or whether or not he even has any. Chances are he does because most people do to some degree. But when there is a clear racism problem in the way our country functions socioeconomically, when white people are the powerful majority on a macro and micro level in America and Ferguson, and when a white police officer in a town with a history of racial bias and tension kills an unarmed black teen whose death is trying to be justified by a flimsy “violent thug” narrative, well…

Yes, it’s a racial thing.


Aug 28
I honestly did not expect this to happen.

I honestly did not expect this to happen.



seabelle:

I can’t stand these fucking people with these fucking family window stickers on their cars a murderer is gonna come into your fucking house and you’re gonna try to hide your kids in the fucking closet and he’s gonna be like naw bitch I saw your fucking mini van I know you have six more kids where are they

(via spencersnotgold)


I’ve been pretty silent for the past few days, which may have pleased many of you who are like, “Cut the Ferguson shit, just give me jokes.” The main reason I haven’t posted anything is because I’ve been working on a column about Ferguson, so tomorrow you’ll get both. Ferguson shit, and jokes.

In the meantime, yet another Ferguson police officer has officially moved beyond “alleged piece of shit” to “official piece of shit” after it was revealed that he hog-tied and injured a 12-year-old boy while he was checking his mail at the end of his driveway.

Fair warning, if you sigh forever, you will never get to breathe.


Aug 22

So this person made an account exclusively to tell people that Darren Wilson’s 75% white grand jury is legally sound. Which it is. But I got into a conversation with her about how despite the fact that legally this is correct (St. Louis County is mostly white), it is still racist. I won’t go into the details, but basically this is just an example of a racist system allowing an oppressive majority with all of the power and privilege to judge the killing of a minority at the hands of a person with that same power and privilege. That’s inherently racist and unfairly unbalanced, and by supporting it you are possibly (but not necessarily) racist. It is hard for white people to recognize the wrongs in this system, because it does not affect them negatively. The benefits of privilege are inherently invisible to those who hold it.

But ANYWAY, she claimed there’s nothing racist about this situation and she’s just correcting people about the facts, so I told her I thought Mike Brown deserved to die and I hope Officer Wilson gets off very quickly and she fucking favorited it and smiled at me and I just fucking can’t anymore.


mattfisher:

whileyouweresleeping:

Deconstructing Masculinity & Manhood with Michael Kimmel @ Dartmouth College

Boom. 

— From NYC.

The Brown University graduation ceremony ends with the university president tattooing this across your shoulder blades.

It does take a while.

(via getoffmyblog)


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