The Radiopants Dance

Hi. I'm Cody. I like jokes and songs and yes, ladies, I like Star Wars. I work for Cracked.com as a columnist, sketch writer, editor, performer, animator, and FX artist. Here's a dumb thing I do there. I also run Buzzfeed Minus GIFs, LOST Answers, and Blog-A-Song, if you're into those sorts of things. I live in LA and the e-mail I give people is Dr.MisterCody@gmail.com.

YouTube, Facebook, Twitter

Aug 28

I’ve been pretty silent for the past few days, which may have pleased many of you who are like, “Cut the Ferguson shit, just give me jokes.” The main reason I haven’t posted anything is because I’ve been working on a column about Ferguson, so tomorrow you’ll get both. Ferguson shit, and jokes.

In the meantime, yet another Ferguson police officer has officially moved beyond “alleged piece of shit” to “official piece of shit” after it was revealed that he hog-tied and injured a 12-year-old boy while he was checking his mail at the end of his driveway.

Fair warning, if you sigh forever, you will never get to breathe.


Aug 22

So this person made an account exclusively to tell people that Darren Wilson’s 75% white grand jury is legally sound. Which it is. But I got into a conversation with her about how despite the fact that legally this is correct (St. Louis County is mostly white), it is still racist. I won’t go into the details, but basically this is just an example of a racist system allowing an oppressive majority with all of the power and privilege to judge the killing of a minority at the hands of a person with that same power and privilege. That’s inherently racist and unfairly unbalanced, and by supporting it you are possibly (but not necessarily) racist. It is hard for white people to recognize the wrongs in this system, because it does not affect them negatively. The benefits of privilege are inherently invisible to those who hold it.

But ANYWAY, she claimed there’s nothing racist about this situation and she’s just correcting people about the facts, so I told her I thought Mike Brown deserved to die and I hope Officer Wilson gets off very quickly and she fucking favorited it and smiled at me and I just fucking can’t anymore.


mattfisher:

whileyouweresleeping:

Deconstructing Masculinity & Manhood with Michael Kimmel @ Dartmouth College

Boom. 

— From NYC.

The Brown University graduation ceremony ends with the university president tattooing this across your shoulder blades.

It does take a while.

(via getoffmyblog)


someactorkid:

ellendegeneres:

In 10 or 11 years when she gets the joke, she’s gonna love this photo.

How long do you think it takes a child to learn how to read

someactorkid:

ellendegeneres:

In 10 or 11 years when she gets the joke, she’s gonna love this photo.

How long do you think it takes a child to learn how to read

(via destroyedforcomfort)


Anonymous said: there's a lot of transmisogynistic stuff on cracked (and everywhere, to be sure, but we're talking bout cracked) - are you proud of this aspect of cracked's message, or no? if you DO consider it a problem would you say that anything will ever be done about it?

hereinidaho:

That’s something we’re actively working on. I can’t speak for other writers but the 2008 version of me was completely clueless on the topic and I know I made jokes then that I’d never make now. 

Same, about many things. That will likely be true forever. Listen, learn, consider, adapt.


Aug 21
"Here Are 10 Images"

"Here Are 10 Images"


thisdanobrien:

codyjohnston:

nilincartierwellsfuyutsukifanfic:

[white person voice] im colorblind. i dont see race.

I am literally colorblind and I still see race, because many people are many different races. So I’m told. Can’t really tell. (colorblind)

Hahah Cody’s legit colorblind though, hahaha.

Hey Cody what number is this?

image

Hahaha you can’t even tell that’s a number right there. It’s 29 you stupid joke.

Joke’s on you, that number is 29. I saw it with my own eyes. It’s made up of dots of… colors. One or more of the famous colors. You know the ones I’m talking about.


nilincartierwellsfuyutsukifanfic:

[white person voice] im colorblind. i dont see race.

I am literally colorblind and I still see race, because many people are many different races. So I’m told. Can’t really tell. (colorblind)

(via ctoons)


lame-waves:

i guess i recorded an ice bucket challenge today after i got my wisdom teeth out ??

Please watch this whole thing to the end and then do whatever you want.


mr-cappadocia said: So why does Cracked CONSTANTLY push Feminist propaganda so hard? And let's not bullshit ourselves. You do. Just yesterday you published five articles. Two specifically referenced either Feminism or Feminist backed statistics. Conversely whenever you cover anything related to the opposition you not only mislead about their views... you straight up fucking lie about them and people let you get away with it because you're a "humor magazine". So I'm wondering why you propagandize *so hard*. Why?

sorenbowie:

jetpackexhaust:

codyjohnston:

thisdanobrien:

hereinidaho:

Because we’re true believers! 

Let me take this moment to say how Cracked could have gone another direction 7 or 8 years ago, a more Maximy, Booby Gallery of the Day direction if not for the steadfast resistance of David Wong and Jack O’Brien. I barely acknowledge the side that opposes feminism, but Wong goes out of his way to understand people who are mad at feminists, and he writes about those views with more sensitivity and understanding that I could ever muster. 

To sum up: We don’t have an explicit agenda but if one comes across, It’s not one I’m ashamed of. 

Kristi is a liar. I remember the meeting where the Cracked brain trust sat down and was like “From now on let’s occasionally post articles that either directly or conspiratorially tangentially support equal rights for women so we can accomplish our ultimate end goal: Hack into the penis of every man and make it a smaller penis, or a penis that is otherwise laughable for a different reason upon which we all agree. It almost sounds TOO easy,” Jack said, as he (via the mainframe) hacked a young Robert Brockway’s penis. “I think my wife deserves my respect,” the now-neutered Brockway yelped.

#LaughablePenisRights

#NotAllLaughablePenises

It is weird that we do it so constantly, when everybody knows that people only deserve equal rights and treatment between the hours of4 and 7 pm on alternate February the 29ths. At first we worried that we couldn’t cover it all with our current propaganda budget, but we were able to transfer some funding to supporting feminism from our “Don’t be an asshole” budget because it turns out they overlap completely.

Look, I get it buddy. You’re pissed off because you’ve tried to be a good person your whole life and still you feel like you’ve been consistently stripped of the things you thought were guaranteed , and now there is a whole organized movement saying you still have too much, that you, just trying to live your life, is an affront to an entire gender. That’s a shitty feeling, but here’s the thing: no one is actually trying to take anything from you. That sickening feeling you have that your being robbed of basic human rights, there are people around you in your life who are feeling a worse version of that everyday. If you don’t believe me, look at any of the secret camera videos women have taken on the street to catch the verbal abuse they suffer, listen to any of the stories of guys who touch women on crowded trains and then smile at them as they leave because they know there’s nothing she can do about it, read any of the millions of accounts from human beings about the exhausting and demoralizing abuse they put up with every day. And you might not be the guy making them feel that way, I hope you’re not, but holy shit, you can actually help. You can help other people instead of standing in their way because it feels like another inconvenience. Finally, even if the absolute worse case scenario is true: this is one big conspiracy, Cracked and feminists and a huge chunk of the Internet are villainizing men unfairly and creating a culture where you’re no longer allowed to even voice your opinions without people getting angry- even if all of that is true- isn’t that worth preventing an inarguably high percentage of sexual abuse and dangerous objectification of your daughter/ your sister/ your wife? 

Not all the stabs at equality will be smart, or entirely on point or even helpful. This form of feminism is new, chillingly new for how long this shit has been going on, and not everyone is good at it yet, but holy shit, friend, how can you argue against the aim of basic respect for another human being?

XOXO,

Soren


Missing Bullets
Do you remember that woman who got shot in the head in Ferguson early last week? Her name is Mya Aaten-White (SpookWrites on Instagram) and she’s going to be okay. She woke up from surgery one week ago, and the doctors and nurses told her that the police came and confiscated the bullet. Assuming they would come back and question her about the shooting, she waited. For days. No one came to take her statement, though media reports the incident as a “drive-by”. Mya has claimed no such thing, and remembers no such thing.
It has been over a week since the incident, and no policeman has spoken to Mya or followed up. Her lawyer has contacted authorities in search for the bullet and had this to say:

"I’ve talked to both the St. Louis County Police Department and Ferguson… they have no record… no file number, no report… They don’t have anything."

So anyway, that happened.
During the incident, a woman filmed herself questioning a police officer about it. She also filmed a different police officer physically stopping the first one from answering.

Anyway.
How’s it going with you?

Missing Bullets

Do you remember that woman who got shot in the head in Ferguson early last week? Her name is Mya Aaten-White (SpookWrites on Instagram) and she’s going to be okay. She woke up from surgery one week ago, and the doctors and nurses told her that the police came and confiscated the bullet. Assuming they would come back and question her about the shooting, she waited. For days. No one came to take her statement, though media reports the incident as a “drive-by”. Mya has claimed no such thing, and remembers no such thing.

It has been over a week since the incident, and no policeman has spoken to Mya or followed up. Her lawyer has contacted authorities in search for the bullet and had this to say:

"I’ve talked to both the St. Louis County Police Department and Ferguson… they have no record… no file number, no report… They don’t have anything."

So anyway, that happened.

During the incident, a woman filmed herself questioning a police officer about it. She also filmed a different police officer physically stopping the first one from answering.

Anyway.

How’s it going with you?


mr-cappadocia said: So why does Cracked CONSTANTLY push Feminist propaganda so hard? And let's not bullshit ourselves. You do. Just yesterday you published five articles. Two specifically referenced either Feminism or Feminist backed statistics. Conversely whenever you cover anything related to the opposition you not only mislead about their views... you straight up fucking lie about them and people let you get away with it because you're a "humor magazine". So I'm wondering why you propagandize *so hard*. Why?

thisdanobrien:

hereinidaho:

Because we’re true believers! 

Let me take this moment to say how Cracked could have gone another direction 7 or 8 years ago, a more Maximy, Booby Gallery of the Day direction if not for the steadfast resistance of David Wong and Jack O’Brien. I barely acknowledge the side that opposes feminism, but Wong goes out of his way to understand people who are mad at feminists, and he writes about those views with more sensitivity and understanding that I could ever muster. 

To sum up: We don’t have an explicit agenda but if one comes across, It’s not one I’m ashamed of. 

Kristi is a liar. I remember the meeting where the Cracked brain trust sat down and was like “From now on let’s occasionally post articles that either directly or conspiratorially tangentially support equal rights for women so we can accomplish our ultimate end goal: Hack into the penis of every man and make it a smaller penis, or a penis that is otherwise laughable for a different reason upon which we all agree. It almost sounds TOO easy,” Jack said, as he (via the mainframe) hacked a young Robert Brockway’s penis. “I think my wife deserves my respect,” the now-neutered Brockway yelped.

#LaughablePenisRights

#NotAllLaughablePenises


shatteredchrystal:

runaon:

Like everyone who’s gone to boot camp I’ve been tear gassed. They put about 50+ of you in a gas chamber and toss it in. You have to stay there until your rank is allowed to exit. Before that though, you have to say your name, rank, and social security number. You then exit and file into ranks (again) outside and are not allowed at any point to rinse your face or eyes for the entire day.

That right there? Easily the worst part of boot camp. My eyes were literally swollen shut. I was blinded for a good 30 minutes and my chest hurt for days.

I have zero problem and not and ounce of judgement for people raiding a mcdonalds that can easily afford to repair damage for ANYTHING to help ease the shittiness that is being tear gassed. Esp because every one of us in boot were medically sound to deal with tear gas. Children, asthmatics, people prone to panic and anxiety attacks, the elderly as sooo many more are NOT going to handle tear gas well at ALL.

Or that smoke the police use either.

It’s easy to sit there and judge someone from the safety of your home and say things like “it’s just tear gas” or “it can’t be that bad”.

Fuck you. As someone who HAS been gassed, you need to stfu.

I remember all the preparation they did to get us ready for the gas chamber in boot camp. We were taught how to handle ourselves, how to control our breathing, not to touch anything, how to avoid the worst of the gas. But it still didn’t matter. I remember taking in that first breath and feeling like I had just been kicked in the chest. I remember a few guys in my platoon falling down and vomiting. We knew the gas wasn’t as bad on the floor but we were the fifth platoon through and the vomit kept us from bending over more than absolutely necessary. I remember a few guys, guys in peak health training to be infantrymen, breaking ranks and running for the door only to be dragged back in kicking and screaming until they said name, rank and serial. They were expecting it, trained for it, bragging about how it wouldn’t bother them.
I remember standing there with all of the mucus from my nasal cavity on the front of my ACUs and thinking to myself “This is the nonviolent option?”
Covered head to toe and my skin still itching I looked down at the silver wedding band hanging next to my dog tags and realized that the gas had eaten little pits into its surface.
I stood there and thought of all the news reports I had seen over the years. The uprisings and revolutionaries being gassed, the crowds running from men in masks.
That’s the moment I got it, staring at my ruined wedding band, that’s the moment I realized terrorism isn’t about bombs or who is using them. It’s about controlling people through fear. It’s about removing their ability to act reasonably, to make them seem like the monsters. Terrorism is about triggering people to fight or flight then blaming them for not being rational. It’s about power. Remove someone’s power to act with reason, and you remove their humanity.

(via bloodplasma)


Aug 20

It is great that this ‪#‎OfficerGoFuckYourself‬ dick has been removed from duty, but it should be known that A) He was not fired, merely suspended, and more importantly B) This is not an isolated incident. Many (but if we’re being real, “most”) of the cops down there act exactly like this, if not worse. “I’ll fucking kill you” and “Keep walking or I will shoot you dead” are terrifyingly common phrases heard down there, said to countless peaceful protesters while assault weapons are pointed right at them. The only difference between the majority of the cops down there and this fucker is that he was caught on camera.


“An hour ago, Jessica Care Moore, Talib Kweli, folks from the Fellowship of Reconcillation, Philp Agnew of Dream Defenders, Bgyrl ForLife, Malik from Occupy the Hood and Trymaine Lee from MSNBC and many others were chased like animals by the cops. We ran to get away and were surrounded on a small path on bridge, surrounded by all types of police and told to lie down and put our hands up. We complied and we were told if we did not stop moving we would be shot. We were breathing. The young brother lying on my feet as I was holding him was not able to control his breathing he said “I’m choking” the cop told him to stop or he would shoot him. I told him “try not to move, just lay still I got you.” The gun was at his chest. I looked at the cop and said “please, he is not doing anything” I tried to record but the cop had his finger on the trigger. I could feel Talib’s hand on my back and Jessica behind me. We laid there until one Black officer said “Let them go, we got who we wanted.” In all my life I have never been so terrified. The young brother Devin said thank you I think you saved my life.”

2008 Vice Presidential Candidate Rosa A. Clemente, Ferguson MO, 08/19/14

She adds, “What is going down here in #ferguson in all my years of activism, organizing, I have never seen. This is a war zone, a military occupation and our children are the cannon fodder. The white boy who threw the water bottle a big fuck you, I am sure you were an agent provocateur. But for the police to act this way, they are itching to kill more of us. P.S. Women are also brutalized and terrorized by the police, at the end all of us are Black and Brown and animals to them. We don’t know where @PhilofDreams_  is and Ryan from Peace Poets was arrested.”


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