Hi. I'm Cody. I like jokes and songs and yes, ladies, I like Star Wars. I work for Cracked.com as a columnist, sketch writer, editor, performer, animator, and FX artist. Here's a dumb thing I do there. I also run Buzzfeed Minus GIFs, LOST Answers, and Blog-A-Song, if you're into those sorts of things. I live in LA and the e-mail I give people is Dr.MisterCody@gmail.com.
Dial “E” For “Ew! Bugs!”
Wormy B. Beetleson was a normal boy with a stupid name. His normalcy was almost noticeable to the point of being off-putting. His dumb fucking name didn’t help.
"Wormy?" anyone who ever met him would ask. "What kind of name is… you know what? You’re not worth it," and they would walk away with Wormy not saying a word.
Wormy was orphaned by someone at some point, so that was rough probably. Since then, people have walked away from him after hearing his name, so he has not known another person for more than half of the beginning of a conversation.
"I am worth it!" Wormy B. Beetleson would shout, but they couldn’t hear him so it didn’t count. Wormy would never meet anyone.
With no people around to distract him, he turned into a whole pile ‘a bugs.
It’s a metaphor for bugs.
A lot of comments from probably white people saying that I shouldn’t have described Darren Wilson as “white” and Michael Brown as “black” in my column today. That this is about cops abusing humans, and I shouldn’t be making it out like it’s a racial issue. That, more than anything, it’s about the abuse of power. Since I can’t write another fucking column about this, and I’m rocking my high horse today, here’s a response I wrote to someone. I just think more white folk should hear this stuff, and be okay saying it to other white folk…
You’re right, in that the abuse of power is the point, but you’re not looking at the whole picture. I don’t want to assume, but let’s say that for the sake of this discussion you are white. It’s cool, so am I, we’re twinsies.
As a white person, you are able to say “this is not a racial issue” because you don’t see your own race. As white people in America, we are the majority of the population, which means that we are the “normal”. White people can ignore race and “not see it”, because race doesn’t affect them in any negative way thanks to [all of history]. Black people can’t ignore their race, because they experience its effect every day. Socially, economically, pop culturally, and so on.
Denying that this is a racial issue is denying that racism exists and that the problems of non-white people don’t exist. Racism isn’t just believing stereotypes or hating someone because of their race. Racism is when those prejudices are practiced by a race that has power over other races. When that prejudice seeps into a society’s system and becomes a part of it. Our country was built on slavery and the oppression of other races. We have since worked beyond the worst of that, but those foundations have not disappeared (and if you think they have, again, I’m going to have to assume that you’re white like me?).
Racism is systematic. I don’t see that because the system benefits me. I am no authority on racism because I am not affected by it, but I can listen to people who are authorities on it, and learn. It is okay to not know everything.
And I can’t speak to Darren Wilson’s racial prejudices, or whether or not he even has any. Chances are he does because most people do to some degree. But when there is a clear racism problem in the way our country functions socioeconomically, when white people are the powerful majority on a macro and micro level in America and Ferguson, and when a white police officer in a town with a history of racial bias and tension kills an unarmed black teen whose death is trying to be justified by a flimsy “violent thug” narrative, well…
Yes, it’s a racial thing.
I can’t stand these fucking people with these fucking family window stickers on their cars a murderer is gonna come into your fucking house and you’re gonna try to hide your kids in the fucking closet and he’s gonna be like naw bitch I saw your fucking mini van I know you have six more kids where are they
I’ve been pretty silent for the past few days, which may have pleased many of you who are like, “Cut the Ferguson shit, just give me jokes.” The main reason I haven’t posted anything is because I’ve been working on a column about Ferguson, so tomorrow you’ll get both. Ferguson shit, and jokes.
In the meantime, yet another Ferguson police officer has officially moved beyond “alleged piece of shit” to “official piece of shit” after it was revealed that he hog-tied and injured a 12-year-old boy while he was checking his mail at the end of his driveway.
Fair warning, if you sigh forever, you will never get to breathe.